Sometimes coping becomes the problem.

We tend to describe behaviours as though they're character flaws.

I'm too anxious. I'm a perfectionist. I eat my feelings. I can't say no. I procrastinate. I sabotage myself.

But behaviours don't just appear. Perfectionism can protect us from criticism. People-pleasing can protect us and relationships. Overthinking can create a sense of certainty. Emotional eating can provide comfort, reward or relief. Overworking can make us feel valuable. And being relentlessly capable can make needing other people considerably less risky.

The question isn't simply how do I stop doing this? Therapy gets interesting when we start to examine “What is this doing for me?”

Relational, parts-based, trauma-informed, and neuroscience-backed approach

We work with thoughts and behaviours and with the underlying nervous system patterns that influence regulation, craving, attachment, and self-perception. Therapy is collaborative and paced, with close attention to safety, curiosity, and consent.

Perfectionism

You accomplish things, but rarely get to enjoy them before the goalposts move again.

Perhaps mistakes feel disproportionately uncomfortable. You procrastinate when you can't guarantee you'll do something well. Sometimes you feel like an imposter and everyone is going to find out that you don’t know what you’re doing (even though you do!). Or your internal standards are simply exhausting.

Therapy for perfectionism isn't about lowering your standards or becoming less ambitious.

It's about having standards without being owned by them.

Emotional eating

Food can provide comfort, stimulation, reward, escape, numbness, and regulation. Sometimes eating makes perfect sense once we understand what happens in the hours before it.

Instead of beginning with “How do we stop you eating?” we can start thinking about what is happening when eating suddenly feels like the best available option?

Burnout

Burnout isn't always caused by having too much to do. Sometimes it's what happens after years of overriding tiredness, being dependable, taking responsibility and promising yourself you'll rest when everything is finally under control. Unfortunately, the to-do list has other plans.

Therapy can help you understand why slowing down is so difficult - not simply tell you that you need more self-care.

Anxiety & people-pleasing

Anxiety doesn't always look like panic. It can be super high functioning and look like preparation, overthinking, reading the room, rehearsing conversations, making sure everybody is okay, avoiding disappointing people.

Or becoming so competent that nobody ever has to worry about you.